Soft Strength: Boundaries Edition
The Breakdown
Have you ever set a boundary, only to feel a wave of guilt, anxiety, or even panic afterward? Maybe you’ve avoided setting boundaries altogether because the thought of disappointing someone feels unbearable.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and more importantly, you’re not failing.
Boundary-setting isn’t just about saying "no" or protecting your time; it’s a deeply emotional experience that involves your nervous system, body sensations, and core beliefs about safety and belonging.
When we honour our nervous system in boundary-setting, we create boundaries that feel safe, sustainable, and empowering—rather than forced, rigid, or exhausting.
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard?
Many girlies struggle with boundaries because our nervous system is wired for connection and safety. When we set a boundary, it can feel like we’re risking rejection, conflict, or disconnection—all things that can trigger a survival response.
If you were conditioned to be a people-pleaser, saying no might feel like a threat to your relationships
If you grew up in an environment where your boundaries weren’t respected, your nervous system may not recognize boundaries as safe.
If you’ve experienced trauma, your body may react to setting boundaries with a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.
The solution? Learning to set boundaries in a way that supports your nervous system, rather than overwhelms it.
How to Set Boundaries Without Overloading Your Nervous System
1. Start With Self-Awareness
Before setting boundaries with others, you need to understand what your body is telling you.
💡 What to notice:
Do certain people or situations cause you to tense up, get a tight chest, or feel drained?
Do you feel guilt, fear, or panic at the thought of saying no?
Do you feel resentment toward people who constantly ask for your energy?
Your nervous system is already speaking to you. Your job is to listen.
2. Regulate First, Then Respond
Many of us try to set boundaries while in a dysregulated state—when we’re overwhelmed, anxious, or running on empty. But you don’t have to force a boundary from a place of survival.
🌬 Pause. Breathe. Regulate. Before responding, try:
Box Breathing: Inhale 4s, hold 4s, exhale 4s, hold 4s.
5-4-3-2-1 Grounding: Notice 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Self-Validation: "It’s okay for me to have needs. My boundaries matter."
When you regulate first, you can set a boundary from self-connection rather than fear.
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously." – Prentis Hemphill
3. Honor "Safe Enough" Boundaries
Not every boundary needs to be a hard, cold no—especially if your nervous system isn’t ready for that yet. Sometimes, "safe enough" boundaries are the best place to start.
Instead of: “I can’t help you with this ever again.”
— Try: “I don’t have space for this right now, but I can check in next week.”
Instead of: “I need space. Don’t talk to me.”
— Try: “I love you, but I need a bit of quiet time to reset.”
Boundaries don’t have to be all-or-nothing. Find the version that feels doable for your nervous system right now.
4. Expect Discomfort—But Know You’re Safe
Here’s the truth: Setting boundaries will bring up discomfort. Your nervous system may interpret it as a threat at first.
💭 “Will they be mad at me?”
💭 “Am I being too much?”
💭 “What if they don’t understand?”
When this happens, remind yourself:
- Discomfort does not mean danger.
- Setting a boundary does not make you bad or selfish.
- The right people will respect your boundaries—the wrong ones will reveal themselves.
5. Boundaries Are Bridges, Not Walls
Many of us fear that setting boundaries will push people away. But healthy boundaries don’t create disconnection—they create deeper, safer relationships.
✨ When you honor your limits, you show up more authentically.
✨ When you say "no" with love, you build mutual respect.
✨ When you respect your own nervous system, you inspire others to do the same.
Your Healing Takeaway
Boundaries are not just words; they are nervous system practices
You don’t have to force a boundary—start with what feels "safe enough."
You are allowed to take up space. You are worthy of protecting your energy.
What’s one small boundary you can set this week to honour your nervous system? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts!
